And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
