my soul wont recognize me after tonight
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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