the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
