I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
