Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
