am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
handjob tips. give me some.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
