make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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