a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
