I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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