you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
