I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
