it's too hot outside to masturbate.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
