I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
