How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
