my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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