I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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