I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
