So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
They are going to name an STD after you.
Randomize
