Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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