gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize