if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
