I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
