just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
pop tarts are not kleenex
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
