Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
