We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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