Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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