I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
