What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Randomize
