I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
