That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Randomize
