note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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