I feel great
I just peed on a car
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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