It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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