I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
