Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
