dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
