sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
