did you get engaged???
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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