Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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