spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Randomize
