yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
