are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
