I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
