Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Randomize
