nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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