That's when you crack a 10am beer
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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