I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
