u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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