Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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