I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i drank out of a bidet.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
