I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She's the barista slut.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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