sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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