Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
