bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
