This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
