He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
