Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
