if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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