She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
