I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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