i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
