so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize