So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
