Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
