I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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