just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
