My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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