i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
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