If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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