it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
