what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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