I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
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My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
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Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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