ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
